poetry critical

online poetry workshop



An Asian Spring--scott gerard rich
brother_sun

the violet on the
 1
lawn
 2
is ruin
 3
 
 
the back porch,
 4
where the screen door
 5
moths press
 6
 
 
against
 7
the cool breeze
 8
 
 
like bright Chinese paper
 9
lanterns
 10
 
 
coasting and drifting
 11
 
 
in Mandrine Buddhist
 12
Shoelin
 13
style squaut,
 14
Indian cross-leg buddha
 15
over a baby sparrow
 16

14 May 18

Rated 10 (10) by 4 users.
Active (4): 8, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)



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Comments:

the line-breaks might be slightly off-kilter?  nonetheless, nicely done.  Namaste
 — JKWeb

also, should it be Shaolin in 13?
 — JKWeb

and Mandarin?
 — JKWeb

yes
 — unknown

bb
 — unknown

Nice poem, I think it would be more streamline and smooth with any breaks in stanzas. Try it.
 — jenakajoffer

Without*
 — jenakajoffer

i got number 4 lift me up higher....
 — brother_sun

thank you Web...your amazing.....Silvia PLath loves ya...plathian love all around...
 — brother_sun

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shenyuhang20180606
 — unknown

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