poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Crown Jewels

Man reading late news
wears a badge of office
which means even though you're pissed
you must sit up and take notice.
He will say important things
like "Jesus Christ has risen."
or "The Crown Jewels have been hidden."
that make your hand stray
to where you often played,
then sigh with relief
Its no wonder you can't get to sleep.

1 Jun 18

Rated 8.7 (8.7) by 3 users.
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is a political point being made in this poem ?
 — unknown

a poem is a picture of the poet, not of unprocessed nature. the genius of a poem ( not the poet's ) is that it shows the true nature of the poet. this is a paradox: the raw nature of the poet is shown, and yet the poem only works on its own terms. if the author has an innate sense of music and wording, then the poem will work. line 3 in this is totally prosed to make a point. you could drop it and go right into 'you must sit up', forming a place image and keeping the reader on the moment and not distracted by the author's too clever determination -- 'even though you're pissed' is good, and 'which means even' is good, but the two together just say to much -- both are trying to occupy the same memory space in our little reading heads. the most of the poem kind of works -- there's a tension that shapes this into a figure, a word figure. 'irony' is a two way: it's so easy to just throw an ironic comment back at the author: 'if he's so pissed, why is he trying to sound so overly in control?'
 — cadmium

Not at all unknown. It Takes balls to write and read this

Larry testicular Lark
 — larrylark

balls make sperm, sperm makes babies. this baby was made in me mind's womb as i read it.  
 — cadmium

then the sky is risen,
The lizzen is forbidden,
getting to know u if change.
 — percocet

I'll attempt an adequate review.
 — percocet

God is trying to show u that I am god
 — percocet

journalistic Jewish survival, they threw us bread, but jimmy fallon dished it out
 — percocet

There are critic and critics...we could do with the latter in here
 — unknown

percocet...get off whatever you are on.
 — unknown

perc... you mean to get off on whatever you're mounting? or, get off of drugs...
 — cadmium

Cadmium you can never get off as you are well and truly stuck on a crit mill that has you in a dark place. Maybe you should spend more time looking after your crown jewels. Great poem by the way Larry, can't wait for Mr.C to do one of his pathetic re-writes.
 — unknown

and, what about the wording -- how is it that words get made from emotions? are emotions created by our being able to verbalize something into reality? or, is word a direct physical translation from feeling to talking?

words don't sleep. the concept... is it made of words or of intuition...?

it's easy for you not to be bothered by self-consciousness, cause you're a chintz sofa. you do know and critique butts though.
 — cadmium

Youi need to re-learn the language and stop masking your whining as crit. Just how dark is the room where you fester?
 — unknown

you have the soul of a sports fan. who's your saint? what do you love? who do you hate? you're not a poet, and that's ok. is this a dating site for you? are you dating your inner voltaire?
 — cadmium

You mask your crits in such vitriol and such a know all tone. Also the language , the way you put it together is tedius to read even though there might be merit in some of what you say. Your dead hand has ground this site into the ground.
 — unknown

 — cadmium

Your waving and drowning
 — unknown

a poem is a picture of the poet.
 — cadmium