poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Universal Franchise
larrylark

It spreads.
 1
Has no truck with divine rights.
 2
Allowed to ripple just so far.
 3
As the water thickens with reflected stars,
 4
someone throws a brick in.
 5

4 Jul 18

Rated 6.3 (6.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 4, 10
Inactive (0): 5

(define the words in this poem)
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Comments:

Such a change of style
 — unknown

What is the  imagery  behind water thickens with reflected stars
 — rivergood

The imagery is unclear it spreads sounds political supported by l2 then it goes bucolic
 — rivergood

imagery is perfect. the poem is a work of feeling, and the subjective is redeemed in a poem: the poet  isn't afraid of saying what things look and feel like to the poet.

'water thickens with reflected stars'. anyone conceptual immediately realizes that we know the surface of the water only by what it looks like. as more and more stars are reflected in the water, what we see...

cinematic, the water becomes substance and then that thick complex surface is broken, the brick is the social and political reality that people aren't constrained by law or class --  the rights of property dissolve and those who were property before become free. so, this poem recognizes that the fatal flaw is that the people assume divine rights as a theology and try to spread that theology over rationality, just as the divine right of owners controlled the people before.

it's a complex conceptual poem, with the effect of making you think about your presuppositions. a poem doesn't solve a problem -- it's about clarifying and changing the poet's doubt. about creating a real object in response to ephemeral doubt.
 — cadmium

good one, larry. did i come close to understanding it?
 — cadmium

Cadmium is sucking up to Larry but in so doing is arse over  heels
 — unknown

wonder if just 'throws a brick' would do

don't know why this poem makes me think of fries and gravy. ;)
 — jenakajoffer

'sucking up to larry'. what would that get me? he's not verbal about poetry crit, and would i want to be his facebook friend?? or live friend for, at best, a free beer... and, i hate beer and don't like, in general, the english and their pubs. no, i think i'm relating to his poetry talent and talking about rivergoob's lack of talent. this is a poetry workshop, not a poetry whorehouse. i'm only into the poetry part.
 — cadmium

Just how tight is your corset Cadmium?
 — unknown

Cadmium you're  only content if people are writing like you.
 — unknown

that's very small minded. i like that people write in their own style, not faking out poetry by writing prose with funny line breaks. poetry isn't all about content, it's about how the content is made physically real to us by the poem's force and style. why did larry write this piece in this way? he could have written a limerick or a blabby phil levine-style kleenex poem. but, he didn't he chopped the lines like karate chops, forcing each concept into the next concept. that's style. it's not my way of writing, but, dude, i really like poetry and you just like oprah emo and the chance to get attention by writing anything at all. i'm not your mother, this isn't poetry post on the fridge by your mom either.
 — cadmium

I'll bet your mom never posted any of your drivel on her fridge door.
 — unknown

Cadmium gives 10 to poems to drive down the quality because he wants infantile poems so everybody is 1968 again
 — unknown

you write like poetry club in hartford writing in 1926. 1968 would be a liberation for you. i hate the sixties. if you'd read my comments and critiques you'd know that. larry just bothers me because he's still writing like 1950's british angry young poodles.
 — cadmium

Cadmium i thought it was the 70s you disliked
 — unknown

Cadmium dislikes everthing and everybody but most of all himself.
 — unknown

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