poetry critical

online poetry workshop



my gentle backwards
unknown

amuse me, my love
 1
animate the ethereal flame
 2
what it's like to the moon and back and all planetary alignments
 3
time to observe the ground
 4
silhouette to a fragile foundation
 5
we play mid summer stillness
 6
    water dreams
 7
to empty the cup is moving forward
 8
heart spacing
 9

22 Jul 18

Rated 8 (8) by 3 users.
Active (3): 6, 8, 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)



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Comments:

line 3 is too long
 — unknown

line three is ok if you read it as poetry, as a set of phrases melodically joined. don't you feel the way the line pulls you away from your frozen mentality, as you follow it rhythmically into 'time to observe...'. the word 'time' in four should give you a clue that this isn't conversation or prose. this piece is kind of sentency, but no more so than the average 1950 t.s. eliot inspired verse. auden wrote like this.

the point is is that the shape of the poem on the page is part of the poetic voice presented to the reader. it's not about getting a little 'fact' you can play with for  two-seconds before you go back to your tweets. a good poem should make you stop tweeting and write a poem yourself.
 — cadmium

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