poetry critical

online poetry workshop

my gentle backwards

amuse me, my love
animate the ethereal flame
what it's like to the moon and back and all planetary alignments
time to observe the ground
silhouette to a fragile foundation
we play mid summer stillness
    water dreams
to empty the cup is moving forward
heart spacing

22 Jul 18

Rated 8 (8) by 3 users.
Active (3): 6, 8, 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)

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line 3 is too long
 — unknown

line three is ok if you read it as poetry, as a set of phrases melodically joined. don't you feel the way the line pulls you away from your frozen mentality, as you follow it rhythmically into 'time to observe...'. the word 'time' in four should give you a clue that this isn't conversation or prose. this piece is kind of sentency, but no more so than the average 1950 t.s. eliot inspired verse. auden wrote like this.

the point is is that the shape of the poem on the page is part of the poetic voice presented to the reader. it's not about getting a little 'fact' you can play with for  two-seconds before you go back to your tweets. a good poem should make you stop tweeting and write a poem yourself.
 — cadmium