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Public diary entry dated today August something 2018 fuck punctuation Nana Nana boo boo

*Do you think it is okay to surround yourself with money and organic food and privilege and security and then tell other people they're doing it wrong or saying some other shit like namaste or why are you so upset - life is so magical!!!
All I'm saying is , is that these spaces are okay to recharge in - but if you surround yourself with this and wall yourself off from any pain or hardship or any darkness... do you have room or fuel to grow? I don't want to judge or put down - only bring to light. It's very easy to be effervescent when you've never been in the trenches. Some say their karma allows them to live a life of luxury. Others think there is no reason for pain - that they aren't obligated to go through hardship because they are god or that only love need to exist. Others often aren't even aware of how real all the horrible shit really is.
Of course these could just be rationalization-justification tactics to relieve the guilt that is felt in being a coward. It's hard to shine light in a room that is perpetually illuminated. some say if you carry a torch it's your God given duty to walk into the darkest places and lead as many out of the cave and into the shade as you can. They'll step into the full sun when they are ready. At least now they know it exists.
So time and time again I AM GUILTY OF ALL OF THIS in my own way and I have done all of this and denied the purpose and existence of darkness.
But time and time again it has made it's presence known. just when I am saying I'm done with it - the darkness serves me in no way! Here it comes and it comes with a heaping plate of shit for me to eat. It says  "here kiddo. Eat this shit, it builds character." I always hated the taste of shit, but when I'm hungry and need fuel to grow big and strong it never really ends up tasting that bad and I try to be grateful for it.
So... today I ate lunch with the darkness. (call it a d8)
we discussed and made up.
You know. I don't think I ever looked at it with true love. And it was hurt by that. I empathised and so did it. We decided we are friends. We both have something to teach each other. We are one in the same. I apologized for everything. Apology was accepted. It said... "next time I'll try to knock, but I have my bad days too. Will you still shed some light on me if I cast shadows on you?"
Yes. Yes, I will. I promise.
I love you
Thank you
carry on now. *

5 Aug 18

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*I guess the site formatted it weird. weird. fuck it. it'll do.*
 — unknown

do the right thing, no matter what, and reality will crush you. crush is good, as  you suggest, because you're crushed out of your ego and become a better thing and nobody cares. having no one care is best, because that crushes you more. grapes get crushed. boys have crushes.
 — cadmium

poof-- and it was so


the show, is the show
 — OldShoe