poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Summer Camp
larrylark

Daylight dimmed.
 1
Eyes of the stag head glittered
 2
beneath antlers
 3
that might take off and fly.
 4
It had rained all day,
 5
they were stuck inside.
 6
Played games of whispers,
 7
passing time beneath its gaze.
 8
Now bored, one raised his face,
 9
glanced nervously at the stag,
 10
to see if its lips moved
 11
when whispering.
 12

7 Aug 18

Rated 9 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9
Inactive (0): 9

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Comments:

mysterious poem a change of style
Larry changeover Lark
 — unknown

nice poem overall.  although I might've changed things up a bit in the last three lines.  maybe change "stag" to 'deer' in 10?  and add 'near' to 12? just a few thoughts.  
 — JKWeb

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 — unknown

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