poetry critical

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A Poetess' First Time
Bruiser

Her Hymen breaks, over his shoulder the moon rises;
 1
it is reflected in her eyes.
 2
He looks a long time into them, says,
 3
"La luna es brillante esta noche"
 4
 
 
Streamers of cloud are indigo ink poured into water.
 5
The moon disappears, appears, disappears, appears,
 6
veiled now by ghostly cirrus.
 7
 
 
Sand holds the days' warmth against her bare back;
 8
the ocean lays a path of silver at her feet.
 9

9 Aug 18

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From broken hymen to silver on her feet
 — unknown

poem gets better after each read
 — rivergood

line 1 break after breaks
line 7 by a ghostly cirrus
 — unknown

It gives me an sex image full of details. Some part is vivid but seems impossible, like "Her Hymen breaks, over his shoulder the moon rises;". "Streamers of cloud are indigo ink poured into water" is a very describe of it color, and shows its changing and mixing, it's dynamic. And the expression like "The moon disappears, appears, disappears, appears," is bold, so the moon should be peeping. I also like "Sand holds the days' warmth against her bare back;/ the ocean lays a path of silver at her feet.", the picture is full of color, touch and temperature sensation.
 — Roc1Knight

veiled now by the ghostly cirrus  line 7
 — rivergood

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