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Keeping Warm In August
larrylark

Here is your wrap,
 1
flat as a winter’s sky
 2
I bought it on a summer’s day,
 3
the 13th of July.
 4
 
 
I’ll try it out,
 5
accompanied by a glass of wine.
 6
Blissfully warm, one bead of sweat,
 7
caught in a moment of time,
 8
 
 
I’ll give back in spring,
 9
with my seal of approval.
 10
You can manage with the duvet,
 11
bright and gaudy, as is August’s way,
 12
while Autumn remains on holiday.
 13

9 Sep 18

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Comments:

The word "beige" did not sit well with me as a colour for a "winter's sky."

You capped the word "blissfully".
 — unknown

Thanks for the spots and the beige unknown

Larry dullard Lark
 — larrylark

Larry New Style Lark
 — Rossant

Hiya, came back to this to have a bit more practice critiquing something where the writer knows what I am getting at.

First, it wasn't the use of a "colour" that bothered me in line 2, I think you were
right to use a colour to give the wrap, it was the "beige" that did not gel as a descriptor colour of a winter sky not the idea.

My second thought on rereading is this, if the "wrap" is a kind of pashmina/stole
kind of thing, then V2 and the segue into V3 does not make sense to me, ie,
"I'll try it out" suggests that you are going to wear the wrap whilst drinking a glass of wine; the next bit is where it gets confusing, is it the "wine" that is blissfully warm, with a bead of sweat on the outside of the glass, or is it the "wrap" that is "blissfully warm with a bead of sweat?" I ask this because you run V3 on from V2 and it is hard to understand whether you are going to give back a "bead of sweat" from the glass in the spring, or a wrap that was "blissfully warm"with a drop of sweat on it. Either one seems improbable to me.

Of course if the "wrap" is not something that is worn around the shoulders then all the above is meaningless.
 — unknown

I have just realised that you may be the one who is "blissfully warm" because of the wrap that you are now wearing. I was still confused though even if this is the scenario.
 — unknown

Hi unknown

My wife buys me a wrap to keep me warm in winter. She decides she'd like it for herself and appropriates it while drinking a glass of Chateau Neuf Du Pape. She does both of those things quite frequently. Actually she is really buying for herself though she'd never admit it but she shares the wine with me. She will abandon it when the warm weather returns in Spring so i will carry on this Winter "shivering" beneath my old worn out duvet featurung The Beatles on its cover.

Larry Beatling about beneath my duvet Lark.
 — larrylark

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