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Lucid Dreamer
Ognibia

Ever so gently, I drift into dream
 1
My body sleeps peacefully, my minds at extreme
 2
In this place, I reach for the sun
 3
For nothings too great, my limits are none
 4
 
 
If only this feeling would stay when I wake
 5
Iʼd conquer my fears, leave nothing to take
 6
My eyes open slightly, I know I must raise
 7
Facing the day, despite my malaise
 8
 
 
But this morning is different, I feel so empowered
 9
My stance is much taller, no sign of my glower
 10
Iʼm not quite sure what I gained from my slumber
 11
It fills me with grit, this day I shall sunder
 12
 
 
All of my worries seem trivial today
 13
I get through my tasks, then head on my way
 14
Is there some magic I unknowingly found
 15
Will I lose it, when at night, I sleep sound
 16
 
 
I decide to be thankful, my spirits soar high
 17
As my head hits the pillow, I bid the day goodbye
 18
My body sleeps peacefully, my minds at extreme
 19
This time is different, Iʼm living my dream!
 20

9 Sep 18

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Comments:

My minds at an Extreme  is telling not showing
 — unknown

When you proofread, always take into account that if you can cut superfluous wording, then cut then do so, it will give the piece more of a poem feel than prose feel.

Example: "Ever so gently" in line 1 can be cut, why? Because the word "drift"
does the job of those three words. So line 1 would read;

I drift into dream.

"My minds at extreme" does not make sense, you will have to rethink how to get what you mean across with more clarity. the mistake you have made is what we call "sacrificing sense so that you can "force the rhyme."
 — unknown

Thank you
 — Ognibia

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