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You know nothing, Jon Snow

Crumbs of conversation
starving me out
Somewhere between my happy life
and whatever this is
I began to crave them
Ribs ripple and hips carve
out this new territory
where great measures are taken
make me lea(r)n
A lengthy siege
Gaunt stares
Spidery limbs
Pools of tears
in clavicle reservoirs
It won’t last forever
Give up if you want
Maybe they’ll fill you with
and your belly will

15 Sep 18

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You have arbitrarily capped some lines and not others. You have inserted a single comma into the piece that makes no sense without the whole piece being punctuated.

The "pools of tears" (just "tears" may suffice) could be seen as cliché, but I like  "clavicle reservoirs" the description conjures imagery to go with it too.
 — unknown

Came back to this to make sure I was scanning this right. I can see from a second reading that you have used the line breaks for punctuation, it has worked in places but not in others. The first two lines for instance would definitely run together, so the capping of "starving" stands out. "pools" should probably be capped as the natural flow from "spidery limbs" does not work.

The comma still sticks out "like a sore thumb." I assume you would end stop both lines one and two of the last verse if you were using punctuation?
 — unknown

Comments above me.

i agree about capitalization.  we make up the rules with poetry, but i use capitalization less liberal, so much so that liberals will choke if i so much as use the word "retard" outside of reference to those with down syndrome.

other than that, this is maybe my favorite poem today. thanks.
 — dvdsxr