poetry critical

online poetry workshop



i am
unknown

I am black
 1
like the back of your throat when you
 2
scream.
 3
I am black
 4
like the tarmac, steaming hot and
 5
impenetrable.
 6
I am black like your frozen pupils
 7
at a funeral.
 8
I am black like the melanoma
 9
on your thigh.
 10
I am black like the loyal labrador
 11
who licks you regardless of your crimes.
 12
I am black like the shadow from which
 13
you cannot divorce.
 14
I am black like outer space
 15
always surrounding you
 16
present at your birth
 17
and death
 18
unknowable
 19
and vast.
 20

22 Sep 18

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 — unknown

The back of the throat is not "black" when you do anything.

Tarmac is not "impenetrable," especially when it is "steaming hot."

Why would "pupils" be "frozen" at a "funeral?" they wouldn't be, I can only assume you mean the body of the deceased, but as you do not get this idea across in the I have to take you literally.

The last 5 lines do not really make sense to me.
 — unknown

unk who doesn't get it -- the unk who's made a living editing time-share ads, critiques a poem for the first time and feels dizzy.
 — cadmium

a minor critique.. and i don't like to think i can improve someones poem..but i am on a site called poetry critical..
you should have called the poem "i am black"
 — impoppy

I am
a yam
 — unknown

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 — unknown

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