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Hawk-Flight
brother_sun

The hawk is a muffled patter, a windup toy monkey-drum,
 1
a climbing shadow
 2
 
 
air brazen, mind-knuckle.
 3
 
 
The split cider to the brain,
 4
splinters the sunlight.
 5
 
 
My sunglasses are lost in the haze of trees.
 6
 
 
The feathered leaves toss in the dry grass.
 7
 
 
Sunlight tosses on the rims and tree lines, treetops.
 8

1 Nov 18

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Comments:

the 'toss' and 'tosses' in 7 & 8 made me stumble a bit as I read.  maybe replace 'tosses' in 8 with =bleeds= or something like?  also, not sure 'treetops' is needed at the end there.  just a few suggestions.  like it otherwise, especially in 2 referring to a Hawk as "a climbing shadow"...nice
 — JKWeb

thank you JKWeb...
 — brother_sun

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