poetry critical

online poetry workshop



weight loss
unknown

i no longer have you
 1
all i have is your journal
 2
that i stole
 3
before your
 4
relatives found out.
 5
 
 
poems  i reread
 6
until i fall asleep.
 7
words you can't take back
 8
falsify.
 9
consolation for
 10
no children.  
 11
 
 
sometimes  
 12
the pages resemble
 13
your skin
 14
mysterious
 15
dual toned
 16
bruised
 17
filled with finger prints
 18
impenetrable to my
 19
touch.
 20
 
 
 
 
and of course
 21
the spirals
 22
your spine
 23
or DNA
 24
which always seemed
 25
contorted
 26
incomprehensible.
 27
 
 
how many volumes
 28
hid within
 29
your cavities.
 30
 
 
i will never know
 31
 
 
 
 
but tonight
 32
this version rests on my chest
 33
in tatters
 34
held shut
 35
0.7 lbs
 36
weighs me down
 37
like your embalmed heart
 38
dead infant.
 39





human heart weighs approx 310 gms
all carry ons must be declared and weighed
all children must be accompanied by an adult
how much does your loss weigh

19 Nov 18

Rated 10 (10) by 4 users.
Active (4): 10, 10, 10
Inactive (0): 9

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Comments:

this is wonderful. simple in execution and yet lightly heavy.

i do think there might be an extra space in L6. other than that my only nit would be L15, as it seems strange to me to refer to paper or a person as waterproofed (one word, btw) but perhaps there's a specific reason for that word choice; connotations i didn't pickup on, etc...?
 — gem_grrrl

It really is beautiful. I’ve come back to read it several times.
 — unknown

Really well put together with mind sticking imagery.

Larry fat bastard lark
 — larrylark

Pity this is unknown as its so good
 — Rossant

wow... so heavy, literally
 — aforbing

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