poetry critical

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fake mothers roaming grocery store aisles
amy

He stood in line
 1
the bag held lightly to his chest,
 2
in hopeful anticipation.
 3
 
 
She hadn’t noticed him all day,
 4
maybe she wouldn’t now either.
 5
 
 
She spoke to their children
 6
with intentional volume
 7
so passers-by couldn’t help but notice
 8
 
 
her “parenting”, designed to satisfy
 9
an insatiable need to be thought a good mother;
 10
 
 
a saccharine substitute for loving guidance.
 11
 
 
As if holding him under,
 12
I witnessed the drowning;
 13
life leaving his surrendered soul,
 14
 
 
his white knuckles filling in with color
 15
drained from his face.
 16
 
 
The salty snack, forfeit amongst the tabloids.
 17

3 Apr 19

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Comments:

yeah is heavy. maybe consider a swap of L2 & L3?

Nothing wrong w l6-8. other than her vs. their . Gold


I like l11 but assumes a lot of the reader.


Its a 9 from where I'm sitting. Good on you
 — sixtywatt

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