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Rose Red Nebula Crystallized

Pinnacle of American society,
just a rose red nebula,
crystallized in my eye,
hiding among giants of nature.
Shield and Helmet, the futile fight ends.
Payback is coming.

Eye for an Eye.
Tooth for a Tooth.
A church for a church.

Paganism was decimated with the Crusades.

15 Jul 04

Rated 4 (3.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (3): 1, 3, 4, 7

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I got a 7 with no comments.
 — dmu_96

i think l6 should be a sep stanza. i got a nine on one with no comments. viva le lazees.
 — wendz

I have not one clue as to what you meant this to mean.   Did I miss some science news, something happen in Entertainment that missed me?

How about a clue?
 — Isabelle5

Shield, not sheild.
 — root

Pinnacle of American society- Chirstian Religion
Rose red nebula- inferno

My bad on the Shield thing
 — dmu_96

gotta love the footnote
 — sassybnyss

What a beautiful title. This is interesting. I agree, it is hard to understand, but that is part of what makes it interesting. I think it might need a bit of tightening though. You still never corrected l5..  Do you really need "still" in l5? I might consider taking it out if it was my poem. Doesn't seem needed.
 — elysium

oops. line 6 i mean. this is what insomnia does to me. sorry
 — elysium

What do you mean by Paganism?  And with a few exceptions (e.g., the Albigensian Crusade), the Crusades were directed at Muslims.
 — unknown

the Crusades in general 40 million Pagans died and they wonder why paganism isnt still around. Once I find the book again Ill post the title. It had history about all the fucked up stuff Christianity has done all in the name of God.
 — dmu_96

Paganism is normally covers the religious groups that had multiple gods other than Roman and Greek. Religions that had been around long before Christianity. Trace your heritage and look at what happend to your families you may be suprized, how horrible your ancestors were.
 — dmu_96

Paganism is still around. In fact, it's everywhere, in our music, our literature, our poetry apparently. But it's around in full form as well. Pagans died in the Crusades. Christians were fed to the lions by the Romans. Muslisms have their jihads. None of it is really religious. If you look at the underlying motives and causes, they are largely political.

Theme aside, the poem is all right. The rhythm is stilted and doesn't go anywhere though. The fact that throws me off is that every line but one (as I scan it) starts with an accented syllable. There is no real cadence, you know?

Also, rose red is a huge cliché. There are probably many more appropriate modifiers for red, that fit better in the theme of a poem...unless a rose has something to do with the crusades that I'm not catching.

Line 6, it's almost as if you don't feel you got your message across in the poem (which you didn't), so you state it at the end. Poetry says things in terms of something connectable. Line six just says it.
 — Ananke