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The Sky Was Crying

needs a little help

A small child
Stares into the
Pouring rain
She whispers
"Why is the sky crying?"
Her mother
"Because I
Have to leave
You now"
Her last

18 Aug 04

Rated 6 (6) by 1 users.
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Inactive (0): 6

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i like it. i would make the lines longer so it flows naturally with the breath. try reading it outloud to yourself. hat will help
 — ElegantWaste

I like it too. There is so much feeling and intensity and sadness.
 — elysium

I like all of it, until the last three lines. They let the poem down. I would change them and insert a more original phrase there, something that really means something. Apart from that, I like the understated sadness and yes, intensity as aforementioned.
 — wendz

No it wasn't.
 — unknown

wasnt what?
 — hardenedpain

15 should hr be her?
funny capitals in wrong places
is it intentional?
personally i'd end this at 12
1 to 12
are beautiful

The rest seems like something i should be left wondering about

 — unknown

The Sky Was Crying  

needs a little help

A small child  1
Stares into the  2
Pouring rain  3
"Mommy"  4
She whispers  5
"Why is the sky crying?"  6
Her mother  7
Answered  8
"Because I  9
Have to leave  10
You now"  11
Her last
 — unknown