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The Sky Was Crying
hardenedpain

needs a little help

A small child
 1
Stares into the
 2
Pouring rain
 3
"Mommy"
 4
She whispers
 5
"Why is the sky crying?"
 6
Her mother
 7
Answered
 8
"Because I
 9
Have to leave
 10
You now"
 11
Her last
 12

18 Aug 04

Rated 6 (6) by 1 users.
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Comments:

i like it. i would make the lines longer so it flows naturally with the breath. try reading it outloud to yourself. hat will help
 — ElegantWaste

I like it too. There is so much feeling and intensity and sadness.
 — elysium

I like all of it, until the last three lines. They let the poem down. I would change them and insert a more original phrase there, something that really means something. Apart from that, I like the understated sadness and yes, intensity as aforementioned.
 — wendz

No it wasn't.
 — unknown

wasnt what?
 — hardenedpain

15 should hr be her?
funny capitals in wrong places
is it intentional?
personally i'd end this at 12
1 to 12
are beautiful

The rest seems like something i should be left wondering about

kaleidazcope
 — unknown

The Sky Was Crying  
hardenedpain


needs a little help


A small child  1
Stares into the  2
Pouring rain  3
"Mommy"  4
She whispers  5
"Why is the sky crying?"  6
Her mother  7
Answered  8
"Because I  9
Have to leave  10
You now"  11
Her last
 — unknown

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