Iris
Each day I consider you
as I tend the mysteries of my garden
the vesper
the snakehead and your bulbous roots
such a trickster as I dig you out of the dirt
and force you into a new bed;
a new lover next to the trumpet vines
slowly waking with mossy tongues
until one morning I discover
swaying at the fence
bearded in bright dresses, trans-
fixed in the sunlight
crest of bees, your lips stained
grape soda, ruffled orange skirt—
and that lusty scent, sweet as blackberry
like some wild fruit of my own.
Beautiful
Thanks Odin
Wonderful writing. Love the imagery and the flow. Flowers are a great metaphor.
Thanks so much Listen 🙂
So lovely to read this today. Beautiful flow and evocative images – and such a clear sense of “you” behind this garden which brings it alive.
Only quibble is with the flow of the line beginning:
“Until one morning I discover….. ” It feels as though I’m left hanging somehow – it feels unresolved. Are you referring to “your lips”? I hope this makes sense – it just feels incomplete somehow. Maybe it could start with “I discover your lips”.
If only I could write the way you do.
Also, I’ve requested the possibility of line numbers, like we had on the old site – makes critiqueing easier don’t you think?
Hi Sarah, I’m so delighted you are here! Thank you for the in-depth comment and lovely words. I can see where the blip is, and wondered if that line was suitable without “until one morning I discover you”, but I didn’t like “you” and preferred it to be more interpretive; the flower who was slow to wake, suddenly appears grown and swaying, with bold yellow petals (crest of bees) and lips stained grape soda, (again her petals), reminders of the teenager girl who once seemingly blossomed overnight.
Hope that helps! And I too, asked for lined poems so we could edit and critique with more clarity! Yay I hope it’s possible. Xx
Hi Jen,
Ha, great minds think alike!
By the way, i agree that “you” wouldn’t work and the interpretive approach works perfectly. I just stumbled a little…..x
Great minds indeed x. Thanks again for the insight.